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This Poem Teaches Better Lessons on Marketing Than Most MBA Degrees

Tell me quick and tell me true (or else, my love, to hell with you!)

I see that you spent a big wad of dough

To tell me things you think I should know.

How your plant is so big, so fine, and so strong

And your founder had whiskers so handsomely long.

So he started the business in old ’92!

How tremendously interesting that is… to you.

He built up the thing with the blood of his life

I’ll run home like mad, and tell that to my wife!

Your machineries modern and oh so complete

Your reps are so flawless, your workers so neat.

Your motto is quality… with a capital “Q”

No wonder I’m tired of “Your’s” and of “You’s”!

So tell me quick and tell me true, or else, my love, to hell with you!

Less – How this product came to be,

More – What the damn thing does for me!

Will it save me money or time or work?

Or hike my pay with a welcome jerk?

What drudgery, worry, or loss will it cut?

Can it yank me out of a personal rut?

Perhaps it can make my appearance so swell

That my telephone calls will wear out the bell.

Thus it might win me a lot of fine friends

And one never knows where such a thing ends!

I wonder how much it could do for my health

Could it show me a way to acquire some wealth?

Better things for myself, for the kids and a wife,

Or how to quit work somewhat early in life.

So tell me quick and tell me true, or else, my love, to hell with you!

Less – How this product came to be.

More – What the damn thing does for me!

-Victor Schwab

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